My Baby: The Sleep Pro

There's a new baby living in our house these days. The old one was fussy, fought nap and bedtimes, and was hard to figure out. The new one goes to sleep without any sort of fight and is cheerful when she's awake.

I'm not sure why this change took place in her. A big part of me thinks it's because we let her cry herself to sleep a couple of days ago. It was after that that the big change took place in her. I let her cry for about 10 minutes before each nap, and by bedtime that night, she didn't put up any fuss anymore. For the last two days, she goes to sleep easily, and naps for much longer periods of time.

We all know the old saying,"The grass is always greener." Back when my baby was fussy and didn't sleep well, I wished she'd sleep for hours. Now that she takes long naps and sleeps well at night, I miss her and wish she needed me more!

Crying It Out vs Crying To Sleep

Crying it out and crying to sleep: is there a difference? To me, there is. My interpretation of these phrases probably won’t match every other parent’s interpretation, but I’m going to tell you about it all the same.

To begin with, I am not a supporter of the “cry it out” method. I never have been, and I don’t think I ever will be. Sure, there are times when I am really tired, feel like I have no patience left, and put my daughter in her crib, thinking, “I don’t care how long she cries – she’s staying in there until she goes to sleep!” Once I’ve calmed down, however, I usually go back and get her. Do I think badly of parents who let their children cry it out? Of course not. It’s just not for me.

There is definitely wisdom in knowing when to put a child down and walk away when you are at your wit’s end. I definitely DO support allowing a baby to cry when the alternative is worse. However, I don’t like the idea of putting my baby to bed at the same time every night, regardless of whether she’s ready to go to sleep, and letting her cry as long as it takes for her to fall asleep.

I am a supporter, on certain occasions, of letting my baby cry herself to sleep. I know it probably sounds like I’m contradicting myself when I say this directly after saying I’m not a supporter of the cry it out method. Yes, both involve placing a baby in a crib and allowing the baby to cry until she falls asleep. To me, though, there is a huge difference between letting a baby cry it out and letting a baby cry herself to sleep.

Let me explain my rationale.

To me, crying it out is supposed to serve the purpose of teaching a drowsy baby to go to sleep without help. Parents who do this want their child to learn independence at bedtime. This method can involve a baby crying for quite long periods of time before drifting off to sleep.

In contrast, crying to sleep serves the purpose of letting a baby who will clearly fall asleep within a short amount of time cry for a bit, if necessary, before falling asleep. To me, this method isn’t used to teach a baby anything. It’s used when a baby needs to sleep and no other method – whether it be rocking, shushing, or nursing – is working.

Let me give you an example. This afternoon, I could tell my daughter was exhausted. She was rubbing her eyes, snuggling her face into anything near her head, and was crying very easily. I put her down for a nap, and she closed her eyes almost immediately. A few seconds later, she opened her eyes and began to cry. A few seconds later, she closed her eyes again. This scene repeated over and over.

I could tell by her cry that nothing was wrong. It wasn’t a panicky, hungry, or scared cry, and it didn’t escalate. It was a tired cry. I knew she was tired, and I knew she needed a nap. I decided to wait 15 minutes before picking her up to see what would happen.

Her tired cries came and went for about 10 minutes, each time growing further apart, each time getting softer. By the time the 15 minutes were up, she was asleep.

Had her cries become louder and more hysteric-sounding, I would have gone in to get her. If she cried past the 15-minute mark, I also would have picked her up. It’s not worth it to me to have her cry for 45 minutes, or cry to the point of vomiting. It is worth it to me, however, to let her fuss a little when I know sleep is about to come.

Some of you might be reading this and thinking that my descriptions of crying it out and crying to sleep are the same thing. To me, there is a difference. I want to have children who are good sleepers, but I also want them to know I’ll come if they need me, even if all they need is comfort and security.

Bedtime, Bedtime: What To Do??

I go back and forth a lot on how to handle bedtime with our daughter.

Up until this point, I’ve been very relaxed with our routine. If she seemed tired, I’d let her sleep. If she woke up and wasn’t happy being in bed, I’d take her out and hold her, feed her, or do whatever else it took to make her happy.

In the last month, she settled into a routine by herself. She took naps about the same time each day and went to bed about the same time each day. However, every once in awhile she’ll wake up a couple hours after going to bed for the night, and will not be content. I can tell that she isn’t hungry, her diaper is fine, and she is obviously still very tired. These are the moments when I’m not sure what to do.

Do I pick her up and hold her, which is what she obviously wants? Do I let her be up with us for awhile, knowing full well that she is still tired? Sometimes I think, “Who cares if she is still tired? She wants to be held. Why not hold her?”

Do I let her stay in bed, cry awhile, and hopefully fall back asleep? Is it good for her to realize she can wake up and put herself back to sleep without relying on me to comfort her?

I realize that she eventually needs to be able to get back to sleep on her own. I’m not sure when is the developmentally appropriate time to let her cry it out.

Almost every person I ask has a different answer. There are people who get their babies on a strict schedule within a month of being born. There are some who say after the first four months that a baby is ready to learn to self-soothe. Still others say that parents should always go to their babies when they cry, because responding to those cries gives children an important sense of security that will benefit them the rest of their lives.

I’ve always leaned towards responding immediately to my daughter’s cues. The reason I do that is because I think it is best for her. When she is overly tired, though, and needs sleep, is sleep what is best for her, or is comfort what is best for her?

I also realize that consistency is important for her. If one night I immediately pick her up when she cries, she’ll expect it. If I make her cry for 45 minutes the next time she cries, that might confuse her.

Are the answers ever obvious when it comes to babies?

Baby: To Schedule, or Not To Schedule?

My husband and I never considered putting our baby on a schedule while I was pregnant, and we didn’t think about it after she was born. When we thought she was hungry, I nursed her, and when she seemed tired, we let her sleep.

I thought that was what most parents did, but as we talked to more and more new parents, we realized it’s very common for parents to get their babies on a regular schedule almost immediately.

I admit that there were some days when I wondered if I was hurting our daughter by having a “go-with-the-flow” attitude. I wondered if she might benefit from a more regular eating and sleeping routine. I usually dismissed those thoughts, though, because she was happy, and my husband and I were happy.

In addition to being happy, my daughter was also well-fed and well-rested.

Because I nursed her on demand, I never had trouble with low milk supply. Maybe my body would have produced an abundance of milk whether I fed her on demand or not, but I’ve read about and heard first-hand stories where women had extremely low amounts milk as a result of trying to get their babies on a schedule.

We never tried to force her to sleep when she wasn’t tired, and we never tried to keep her awake if she wanted to sleep, regardless of the time of day or night. This might have been easier for us than other families because she was our only child and we didn’t have to coordinate naps and bedtimes. In addition, I stay at home with her, so I can usually nap when she naps. Either way, it worked very well for us. Naps and bedtime weren’t stressful – we just waited until she was tired, then let her sleep (often in our arms and in our bed).

This non-schedule continued until she was about 5 ½ months old. At this time, she began making her own schedule. I noticed that she was getting tired, hungry, and ready for bed at about the same time each day. It was nice to follow her cues and plan her naps, feedings, and bedtimes accordingly.

Instead of wondering whether a parent-imposed routine would be a good idea or not, I’m confident and at peace with the routine our daughter chose for herself. It might not work for every family or with every child, but it sure worked for us!

Teething

After watching the way my daughter has been acting the last month, I realize how miserable teething must be for babies.

She’s always been a mellow, easy-going baby. In fact, the only times she has ever really cried are when she is hungry or when she is tired. Even then, her cries were pretty quiet, and short-lived. In addition to being easy-going, she slept through the night early on. I felt pretty lucky.

I still feel lucky, because I love her dearly, but for the last month, she has been a much different baby. More often than not, she is fussy. She still rarely full-out cries; it’s more like a quiet, steady whine. Also, sadly, long stretches of sleep no longer exist. She is waking up at least three times a night to nurse, more for comfort than out of necessity. What is causing this change? Her teeth are on the move.

I’ve wondered how I should deal with this. I know that there are many remedies out there. These include medicine that goes directly on the gums to numb them, teething tablets to ease the pain, and cold toys for her to chew on. I’m always hesitant to give medicine unless absolutely necessary, but I also don’t like my baby to be in pain. I’ve tried several solutions, and would like to share which ones worked best for my daughter.

The most effective method of easing her pain is letting her chew on frozen wash cloths. When I first heard the idea of putting wet wash cloths in the freezer, then letting my child chew on them, I thought the coldness might be too severe. I compared it to sucking on an ice cube and not being allowed to spit it out. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the cold isn’t very intense at all. I’m not sure why, but the frozen wash cloths stay a nice, moderate temperature – cold enough to relieve the pain, not so cold that they hurt. Another nice perk is that they freeze pretty quickly. It takes maybe an hour for them to be ready. At any rate, I hold them up to my daughter’s mouth, and she chews and sucks happily on them until they thaw.

The competition for the next most effective method of teething relief resulted in a tie.

The first are those nifty liquid-filled chew toys. Most of the packages these toys arrive in warn, “Do not freeze,” but I freeze them anyways. They are pretty cold at first, but they thaw quickly, so I’m not too worried that they will hurt her.

The second member of the tie is something I like to think I invented, although I’m sure other mothers have tried similar remedies. I take a Munchkin Fresh Food Feeder, open it up, insert an ice cube or ice chips where the food normally goes, close it, and give it to my daughter. She chews and sucks on the ice, and there is no danger of her swallowing any of it. I’m sure she ends up drinking some of the melted water, but I’m okay with that.

Coming in at last place in ending teething discomfort, we also have a tie. The two methods are the numbing gum medicine and the natural teething tablets. Although not as effective as the first, second, and third place methods, they do seem to lessen the pain. They don’t often stop my baby from fussing, but her fussing is less intense, and she can be more easily calmed. On occasion, she has fallen asleep directly after I’ve given her one of these two remedies. As far as I can tell, one doesn’t work better than the other for her.

As I said before, I am hesitant to give medicine unless absolutely necessary. Don’t be fooled, however, into thinking that my bias led me to give the numbing medicine and teething tablets the lowest rating. For awhile, those two remedies were the only solution we were using for her teething pain. It wasn’t until I realized they weren’t working very well for us that I started seeking out other ideas.

Now that we’ve discovered some successful strategies, we have a much happier baby. I’m not able to get as much done around the house, because I spend a good amount of time with my daughter on my lap, holding something cold in her mouth. Some days I feel trapped, but I remind myself that these days will pass quickly.

I am mentally sending an extra dose of patience to all of you mothers whose babies are also teething. I hope, like me, that you are also able to take a step back and realize that it is okay to slow down, that these phases are only temporary. I also hope that some of these ideas can make your life easier, and your baby happier. Good luck!