Bedtime, Bedtime: What To Do??

I go back and forth a lot on how to handle bedtime with our daughter.

Up until this point, I’ve been very relaxed with our routine. If she seemed tired, I’d let her sleep. If she woke up and wasn’t happy being in bed, I’d take her out and hold her, feed her, or do whatever else it took to make her happy.

In the last month, she settled into a routine by herself. She took naps about the same time each day and went to bed about the same time each day. However, every once in awhile she’ll wake up a couple hours after going to bed for the night, and will not be content. I can tell that she isn’t hungry, her diaper is fine, and she is obviously still very tired. These are the moments when I’m not sure what to do.

Do I pick her up and hold her, which is what she obviously wants? Do I let her be up with us for awhile, knowing full well that she is still tired? Sometimes I think, “Who cares if she is still tired? She wants to be held. Why not hold her?”

Do I let her stay in bed, cry awhile, and hopefully fall back asleep? Is it good for her to realize she can wake up and put herself back to sleep without relying on me to comfort her?

I realize that she eventually needs to be able to get back to sleep on her own. I’m not sure when is the developmentally appropriate time to let her cry it out.

Almost every person I ask has a different answer. There are people who get their babies on a strict schedule within a month of being born. There are some who say after the first four months that a baby is ready to learn to self-soothe. Still others say that parents should always go to their babies when they cry, because responding to those cries gives children an important sense of security that will benefit them the rest of their lives.

I’ve always leaned towards responding immediately to my daughter’s cues. The reason I do that is because I think it is best for her. When she is overly tired, though, and needs sleep, is sleep what is best for her, or is comfort what is best for her?

I also realize that consistency is important for her. If one night I immediately pick her up when she cries, she’ll expect it. If I make her cry for 45 minutes the next time she cries, that might confuse her.

Are the answers ever obvious when it comes to babies?

New Mommy Must-Haves

When I try to think back on the first month of my daughter’s life, everything is a little hazy. It seems like all I did was hold her, feed her, change her diaper, and sleep. She was a relatively easy baby and slept pretty well from the get-go, but I still felt like I was in some sort of survival mode. Not only did I have a new baby to take care of, but my poor body took a while to recover from a tough 30-hour labor.

I don’t know how I would have made it through the first month without three items I happened to have on hand: stool softeners, frozen maxi pads, and a Moby Wrap.

Maybe you’re reading the phrase “stool softener” and wondering why it made the list. I’m not sure if my experience was unique, but going number two was terrifying for me after giving birth. Not only was I extremely sore (the doctor told me I had received the equivalent of about 15 stitches), but my number two wasn’t of a consistency that came out easily. To put it bluntly, I felt like I was trying to push rocks out, and that the rocks would tear my stitches. After spending agonizing hours in the bathroom, thinking to myself that I’d rather go through another 30-hour labor than be in this situation, I finally began to take stool softeners regularly. Trips to the bathroom were still scary, but a lot more manageable.

I wasn’t prepared for how much pain I would be in after I was finished giving birth. I had heard labor was painful, but no one prepared me for the aftermath. The hospital had ice packs for me to use “down there,” but they didn’t get quite cold enough to relieve the pain and soreness. Once I got home, I bought a pack of overnight maxi pads with wings, put water in the middle of them, and put them in the freezer. These home-made ice packs gave the best relief out of anything else I had tried. They fit perfectly in regular underwear, and were so refreshingly cold.

The stool softeners and frozen maxi pads were very important, but my number one, most-needed baby product, one that I highly recommend all new mothers purchase, was my Moby Wrap. It was comfortable, adjustable, and easy to use. If my daughter was ever crying and I couldn’t figure out how to get her to stop, all I had to do was put her in the Moby Wrap. It was like magic. She would instantaneously stop crying, and usually would fall asleep within five minutes. Even when she wasn’t crying, I’d put her in the Moby Wrap, and she’d be content for hours. It was an easy way for me to keep her close to me and still have my hands free.

Did you just have a baby? Congratulations, and take my advice: if you don’t already own these items, send your husband out to buy them.

Who Holds the Crying Babe?

I’m struggling with a seemingly never-ending dilemma of how long to let my baby cry when others are holding her.

I want her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others to be able to spend time with her. I realize that by holding her, they are able to bond with her and get to know her. However, I also don’t want this to happen at the expense of my daughter feeling secure and safe. Yes, she loves them, but there is no substitute for the kind of comfort and security a mother can bring.

I’ve come up with a few ways to better cope when she fusses with others. When she starts sounding less than content, I usually let it go one for at least five minutes. I give myself little jobs to do. For example, before I take her from them, I force myself to get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, or fold a load of laundry. This gives them a chance to comfort her, and helps distract me from the fact that she is upset. What I really want to do is take her right away because I know I can get her to stop crying almost instantaneously! But, I don’t want to hurt the feelings of the person holding her, especially if that person has already raised children. I get the impression that that would be insulting – they obviously know what to do if they’ve raised their own children, right?

Anyways, I usually try to wait awhile, but if she is getting upset and nothing is working, I take her. Sometimes I say something like, “I think she is hungry,” but other times I simply say, “Come here, sweetie,” and take her.

I always wonder what impression this leaves on the person holding her. The following questions run through my mind: Are they relieved that I am taking her? Does it hurt their feelings, because they think she doesn’t like them? Are they insulted, thinking that they are perfectly capable of comforting her and don’t need my help?

I’ve decided that, although I definitely care about the feelings of others, especially those of people in my family, I care more about my daughter. If she is upset and wanting me, I’ll let it go for five minutes, but that’s long enough. I’d rather an adult be upset, because adults have the ability to reason. When my daughter knows she wants me, she can’t understand why I’m not getting her right away. I try to take her in the nicest way possible and give people a chance to comfort her, but if it doesn’t work, I don’t hesitate to step in.