Visitors = No Sleep For Baby?

Does your baby’s nap schedule change when you have visitors?

I’m not talking about the inevitable excitement that your baby experiences when new faces are in the house. A baby is bound to be a little more wound up and restless than normal when new people are around.

I’m talking about purposely changing a baby’s nap routine so that the baby is awake as much as possible when the guests are over.

When our baby was little, she slept just as well, if not better, in someone’s arms as she did in her crib. Having visitors over made almost no impact on her naps, because she was able to sleep while someone held her. True, she maybe didn’t sleep as much because she wasn’t as comfortable with the visitors as she was when my husband or I held her, but she still slept when she was tired.

Now, she only really sleeps in her crib. If we try rocking her to sleep, she arches her back and fights it.

During the last two days, many situations have presented themselves where it appeared to be a “good” idea to keep our daughter awake instead of letting her sleep.

Yesterday afternoon a friend called me, wondering if I’d like to go on a walk with her and bring our babies along in strollers. I thought it sounded great; unfortunately, my baby had just gone down for a nap. I told her we’d be ready to go in an hour, figuring she’d be up from her nap by then.

She wasn’t up from her nap, and I debated whether I should leave her with her dad while I walked. I leave her quite often with him, but I knew she’d be hungry when she woke up. After weighing the pros and cons, I woke her, fed her, and we went for an hour-long walk.

She took a quick nap after we got home, and we were off again, this time to a get-together with my friends. When we came home, I discovered that her grandparents (my in-laws) were coming to stay overnight. My baby was beyond tired, so I put her down for a nap. Her grandma and grandpa were, of course, 

disappointed that she was asleep when they arrived. I went in to feed her at about 9:30, and could tell she would easily sleep all night if I let her. Instead, feeling bad for her grandparents, I brought her out to play. She played until 11:30pm, which is WAY past her normal bedtime.

The next morning, everyone wanted to go out for breakfast. I had already put our baby down for her usual morning nap, and I could tell everyone would like to settle on a definite time for departure for breakfast. This time, I was firm – “If you would like to set a time to leave for breakfast, that is fine with me. The baby and I will just have to stay home from breakfast if she isn’t up yet.” They decided to wait for her to wake up.

By the time we were done with breakfast, she was ready for another nap. Instead of coming directly home, which is what I would have preferred, everyone decided to stop at the grocery store to pick up a few things. Then, when we got home, Grandma and Grandpa wanted to play with the baby some more, of course. She finally got her nap in when they left.

By the time Saturday night rolled around, our baby was exhausted, crying inconsolably, and I was feeling all kinds of different emotions. First, I was feeling guilty and mad at myself for not standing up for her and letting her sleep when she was tired. Secondly, I was mad at my in-laws. Even though they didn’t really do anything wrong, I felt pressure to keep our baby awake because of their presence. Third, I was mad at my baby, because she wouldn’t stop crying. (Yes, also ridiculous, but it had been a long couple of days for me too!)

I made a decision right then and there that we wouldn’t have a repeat of the last couple of days. Yes, I understand that, sometimes, babies have to be woken, because parents need to go places, and the baby can’t stay home alone. However, when it comes to visitors coming over and desiring to play with the baby, they can wait until she wakes up from her naps, and they can say goodbye for a little while if she needs to go down for a nap.  Adults can understand and deal with disappointment. A baby can’t very well understand why she is being woken up and kept in a constant state of over-tiredness.

I’m going to be firm on this. Although people may have a strong desire to spend time with our baby, my desire for her to be healthy and well-rested is much stronger. Even though I might really want to get out and socialize with my friends, I’m not going to do it at the expense of her sleep.

And so, another lesson has been learned the hard way. It’s not the first on the list, and I’m positive it won’t be the last.  

My Baby: The Sleep Pro

There's a new baby living in our house these days. The old one was fussy, fought nap and bedtimes, and was hard to figure out. The new one goes to sleep without any sort of fight and is cheerful when she's awake.

I'm not sure why this change took place in her. A big part of me thinks it's because we let her cry herself to sleep a couple of days ago. It was after that that the big change took place in her. I let her cry for about 10 minutes before each nap, and by bedtime that night, she didn't put up any fuss anymore. For the last two days, she goes to sleep easily, and naps for much longer periods of time.

We all know the old saying,"The grass is always greener." Back when my baby was fussy and didn't sleep well, I wished she'd sleep for hours. Now that she takes long naps and sleeps well at night, I miss her and wish she needed me more!

Crying It Out vs Crying To Sleep

Crying it out and crying to sleep: is there a difference? To me, there is. My interpretation of these phrases probably won’t match every other parent’s interpretation, but I’m going to tell you about it all the same.

To begin with, I am not a supporter of the “cry it out” method. I never have been, and I don’t think I ever will be. Sure, there are times when I am really tired, feel like I have no patience left, and put my daughter in her crib, thinking, “I don’t care how long she cries – she’s staying in there until she goes to sleep!” Once I’ve calmed down, however, I usually go back and get her. Do I think badly of parents who let their children cry it out? Of course not. It’s just not for me.

There is definitely wisdom in knowing when to put a child down and walk away when you are at your wit’s end. I definitely DO support allowing a baby to cry when the alternative is worse. However, I don’t like the idea of putting my baby to bed at the same time every night, regardless of whether she’s ready to go to sleep, and letting her cry as long as it takes for her to fall asleep.

I am a supporter, on certain occasions, of letting my baby cry herself to sleep. I know it probably sounds like I’m contradicting myself when I say this directly after saying I’m not a supporter of the cry it out method. Yes, both involve placing a baby in a crib and allowing the baby to cry until she falls asleep. To me, though, there is a huge difference between letting a baby cry it out and letting a baby cry herself to sleep.

Let me explain my rationale.

To me, crying it out is supposed to serve the purpose of teaching a drowsy baby to go to sleep without help. Parents who do this want their child to learn independence at bedtime. This method can involve a baby crying for quite long periods of time before drifting off to sleep.

In contrast, crying to sleep serves the purpose of letting a baby who will clearly fall asleep within a short amount of time cry for a bit, if necessary, before falling asleep. To me, this method isn’t used to teach a baby anything. It’s used when a baby needs to sleep and no other method – whether it be rocking, shushing, or nursing – is working.

Let me give you an example. This afternoon, I could tell my daughter was exhausted. She was rubbing her eyes, snuggling her face into anything near her head, and was crying very easily. I put her down for a nap, and she closed her eyes almost immediately. A few seconds later, she opened her eyes and began to cry. A few seconds later, she closed her eyes again. This scene repeated over and over.

I could tell by her cry that nothing was wrong. It wasn’t a panicky, hungry, or scared cry, and it didn’t escalate. It was a tired cry. I knew she was tired, and I knew she needed a nap. I decided to wait 15 minutes before picking her up to see what would happen.

Her tired cries came and went for about 10 minutes, each time growing further apart, each time getting softer. By the time the 15 minutes were up, she was asleep.

Had her cries become louder and more hysteric-sounding, I would have gone in to get her. If she cried past the 15-minute mark, I also would have picked her up. It’s not worth it to me to have her cry for 45 minutes, or cry to the point of vomiting. It is worth it to me, however, to let her fuss a little when I know sleep is about to come.

Some of you might be reading this and thinking that my descriptions of crying it out and crying to sleep are the same thing. To me, there is a difference. I want to have children who are good sleepers, but I also want them to know I’ll come if they need me, even if all they need is comfort and security.